Human Interfaces: Executive and Leadership Coaching

Over the course of my professional experiences in executive and leadership coaching, I’ve had conversations with thousands of individuals. I have presented in front of tens and hundreds of people and also in private small groups and in one-on-one chats. During those experiences, I have noticed many patterns that comprise our communication. We can become so attuned to our audiences and be effective in our communication when we follow our instincts to align better with others. It’s not an exact science, but I’ve distilled these patterns into concepts that can help others in day-to-day interactions. Here are some of the findings that have worked for me across the years.

What is an Interface?

In computer science, there is a concept called an “interface”: a layer between two entities that allows the entities to understand each other and operate well together. Each has its own protocol (language), its own types of connections, bandwidth, and speed. While certainly abstract, this visualization enabled me to understand and get better at understanding the ways humans communicate with each other. Just like the two entities in engineering have different languages, humans do too. Even if both parties speak English, there are so many ways that we can express our thoughts. 

Variations in dialect, pace, intonation, and pronunciation all impact how we communicate with each other. On top of that, another layer of complexity is introduced through the context of our experiences, our upbringing, and the influences of our immediate social tribes. With all these dynamic forces at work, it is incredibly difficult for two random humans to hit it off within the first couple of sentences speaking to each other.

How do we adjust to each other?

As a technologist-first, I used to focus on the words, logic, and structure of the communication when I interacted with people. Over time, and as I have expanded my experience into executive and leadership coaching, I have learned that emotions, pace, facial expressions and pauses have an enormous impact on the quality of our conversations. They add a lot of color, depth, and nuance to help us understand better what is being unsaid. For example, when your conversation partner is talking about something very important to them, you can generally tell by changes in emotions and body language. 

To achieve our goal of understanding one another better, we must ask powerful and meaningful questions that elicit those emotional responses. Once we tune in and land on those questions, that’s when the true alignment begins and the process of synchronization between two individuals can start. I strongly believe that any two mentally-stable humans can find ways of communicating with each other by calibrating their human interfaces. 

How can we do better? Lessons from Executive and Leadership Coaching

It did not come naturally to me initially to ask good questions. I blundered many attempts and probably created many uncomfortable situations along the way. Sometimes I would ask a deep question before saying hello, sometimes I would inappropriately ask a sensitive question at the wrong time. Interestingly, I noticed that asking the same questions in different situations would lead to very deep conversations, leaving me and my conversation partners profoundly connected. 

This learning has helped me understand the importance of setting up the context, establishing the ground rules, and checking in from time to time on whether we were still in the right place conversation-wise. 

Setting the Stage for Deep Connections

Every time we ask a question or say a word, we trust our confidence and take a little risk in order to get the conversation going. Most of the time, our confidence turns out to be right. On the off chance that it’s not, though, maintaining a set of tools to navigate potential backlash or feedback properly helps to smooth the situation over. 

It starts with mirroring the emotions of another person. If they have high levels of energy and we don’t, or vise versa, there is a risk of immediate mismatch. If we tune ourselves to their level of energy then we start to set up our communication for success.

Next comes the first question - or even just a greeting like hello. Your context, your professional background, your age differential, and your cultural norms dictate the nuance with which you approach this step. 

There is generally very little risk that comes with the first word of a conversation, but it is important to be more sensitive to everything after that.

Be Mindful of Your Environment

In the first few sentences of a conversation, you should gain an understanding of whether the person is open to communication, whether they have time, and whether or not they are in the middle of something. Additionally, it helps to consider your location and surroundings. If you are about to exchange sensitive information, you will need to find a quiet location. Asking these questions early on gives your partner an opportunity to reject the communication gently. Otherwise it places the burden on them to come up with ways to push back and also to keep your emotional response in mind.

Once you get settled in the conversation, continue monitoring your partner's reactions. Enunciate important points that you want to make and look for opportunities to find better alignment - expanding on the answers, asking clarifying questions, requesting to provide additional context.  

A surprising number of us, including myself, jump to conclusions too quickly because we make snap decisions based on the limited information that we have available. In order to get more clarity and not to walk away with a wrong conclusion, always attempt ways to increase information fidelity through types of questions described earlier.

Does medium matter?

These days, we are fortunate to be able to choose from a variety of mediums that we can use to communicate with each other. Occasionally, some mediums are just perfect for the type of conversation that I want to have. If I go on a walk, a phone call is an amazing way to get the steps in and still be available to your conversational partner. 

During the pandemic, I participated in some Zoom cooking classes and learned that staring into the camera during the group activity wasn’t important. This realization freed my mind to focus on the activity itself and still be social with others on the call.

Be very careful of mediums with a small number of potential expressions like email. Countless times I have misread, misunderstood, and misinterpreted the content due to lack of emotions, emojis and clarity of sarcasm. A quick phone call usually resolved those situations.

Communicating on Zoom for extended periods can also be treacherous. It is far from the natural way that we talk to each other. In addition to neck pain, we also get screen-fatigued and become tired much more quickly than we would in a real conversation.

Increasing Understanding Increases Connection

There is definitely not enough room in this brief article to cover all the different ways that you can quickly connect with your conversation partner. However, there are two ways that have helped me to reach mutual understanding more quickly.

Across the centuries, humans shared stories with each other as a way of passing useful and entertaining information. Stories have characters, plots and learnings that quickly resonate with us. If you are able to put together your message in a story form, the information that you want to communicate will be understood much better and more quickly.

Another tool to communicate information clearly is an analogy. Imagine doctors talking to lawyers, construction workers to accountants and judges to sport coaches. While basic language will be similar across most of those conversations, neither will be able to relate their professional context without resorting to analogies. Analogies are a powerful way of connecting parties that don’t share a lot in common. They bridge the gaps of understanding in ways that are very familiar to us. I particularly encourage my executive coaching clients to keep this in mind when communicating with different parties in their organization. The fact that you are part of the same company, does not mean that you share the same professional language. 

Schedule a Complimentary Session

While we are all very different, many of us face one challenge or another when talking to others. It may prevent us from connecting better, being understood, and generating actions needed. It is not futile and there are ways that we can improve our human interfaces and get better at the craft of interpersonal communication. 

If you are looking for better ways to be understood, let’s chat more and schedule your complimentary session.